In response to RDP – Misconception
It’s been a while since I was here last. I woke this morning thinking it was time to return but before I did, I wanted to wander around the backyard that is under landscaping chaos to check out the progress having spent very little time at home.
I caught a glimpse of glitter from the corner of my eye. It was a ray of sunlight captured in the kookaburra’s tail. I hear them chortling in the early mornings in the canopy of gum trees but to find one sitting silently in my garden, was a wellspring of sheer delight.
I have no idea if the bird is male or female but I felt I should name her Opal, a gemstone symbolising hope and innocence, sentiments I have experienced in the last few months as I navigate through poor health.
Today is the first day I feel well. I am not in pain. My hands, fingers and joints back to normal. I’ve not had any analgesics or painkillers for over three weeks. I’ve rested, eaten probiotics and had deep tissue massages. Oddly enough today was the day I was going to commence medication having seen a specialist earlier in the week who advised me he wanted to take an “aggressive” approach as I had “a rough road ahead”. I wept all the way home.
I’ve experienced the deepest sense of loss having had to face the reality I may have to quit work, sell my home, and disappear into the aging process. To give up my travel and work is a sobering reality and I’ve reached lower into depths I thought possible. Except today.
I woke today with an epiphany. We vest so much into what people say to us or not say to us with our well being and happiness being contingent, it would seem on this. I realised not so. This is a misconception that goes back to early upbringing. I sat quietly and meditated. I received what I gave myself. My internal dialogue different, nurturing, kind, supportive, non-judgemental, non-blaming, accepting. I went outdoors and found Opal. Silent. Reflective. Accepting. Sharing a beautiful space with me, as I hope I have done so with you.
Until next time
a dawn bird
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