He emerged
from the underground
with limbs brown as toast
as warm, too
and a tweet so sweet
to dine alone
yet, together
head deep in flower.
a dawn bird
Month: May 2019
All roads lead to here …
I remember my graduation well. My children, my daughter’s then boyfriend and my ex-husband, Dr T, attended the ceremony. I walked across the podium to the chorus of “Go mum!” It was a proud moment for me and my children.
As a graduate I thought I knew what work life I was entering into. I was now a professional! I would sit in a sterile office with colour matched décor, legs neatly crossed at the ankles, pad and pen in hand and engage in ‘active listening’. I thought I would be doing this for the rest of my life. On reflection, the thought makes me shudder!
My office now is where I am. There are, of course, incidental rewards as well. I am an observer so, naturally, an airport becomes a workplace too. I see life as it happens … let me share what I mean.
I’m at my laptop, they are seated near me. Her father takes a last bite of his good ole Aussie meat pie, gulps Gatorade, wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve and picks her up. She is barely 3.5 and she already knows the routine. She looks at her mother, seated with infant at breast and looks back at her father. Now nose to nose, eye to eye, he whispers to her, “you’re a big sister now, you be a good girl for mummy when daddy’s gone”. Her tiny mouth trembles as she nods. Oh! She’s brave! He leans down to his wife and kisses her full on the mouth, and lingers a little longer than he did with the children. Then, kisses and caresses his suckling infant son’s forehead with a gruff, “see you mate!”, picks up his bag and walks to the Gate without looking back.
I know the feeling of goodbye and flinch at the memory of resolve.
The FIFO (fly in fly out) life is hard on families and relationships. The money is good when it comes in. In the early boom people stretched their budgets to the max with expensive cars and big homes, jet skis, boat, big 4WDs for the wives. The heat has cooled, I see people now with a new perspective. They exercise restraint. And, they work harder at relationships.
Some would consider my schedule is worse than a FIFO worker. My schedule is ad hoc except for clinic days which are generally predetermined. I can sleep in four different hotel rooms in a week. This lifestyle has become addictive. I love the variety my work brings me. No two days are alike. I am no longer driven by the money. I am genuinely thrilled to be working in a range of settings and with a variety of people.
Like the time …
I’ve stood for hours in an indigenous community in extreme heat, brushing red ants that crawled up my legs, and moving away from dozens of puppies with insatiable itch. I have completed an interview in searing heat while seated on a tractor during harvest time. That was fun! I have sat cross legged on a sticky floor never questioning what the glue may have been. I get to observe children at play in their natural environment. I’ve joined a mother in the kitchen doing my work, while she did hers. I have driven on a highway in outback Kimberley with a colleague as we tried to outrun a bush fire. It was all in a day’s work. But best of all, I get to meet people where they are and that to me is a privilege.
I have returned home tracking red dust indoors. I couldn’t be happier. Little did I know when I doffed my graduation cap, what life had in store for me!
Until next time
As always
a dawn bird
In response to RDP Friday: Graduate
The Keeper
He tells me,
the lustre of a pearl
is in the skin
smooth, luminous
as he anchored these words
at my ear.
a dawn bird
Note: The fastener of an earring is also referred to as a keeper by some.
In response to Word of the Day Challenge: Keeper
‘Shinrin-yoku, (‘forest bathing’)
I could not wait to drive out of the city yesterday and left Perth around 3 pm. Much to my dismay construction has devoured a portion of the road I usually take to the highway and I spent half an hour travelling through the detour. I finally got back on the highway and caught slow traffic. The drive at dusk kept me alert but what was amazing was the skyline. The area had controlled burning earlier in the day and the colours across the horizon was nothing I’ve seen before. There were heavy low clouds in colours of mauve, taupe, lavender, pink, orange, and umber even. As it was getting darker by the minute I could not stop for photographs and night came too suddenly. I started to get anxious enough to turn off the music and focus on my driving. Albany Highway is not a road I enjoy driving. It is littered with roadside crosses, a sombre reminder of the dangers of a narrow, winding road. I was hoping roadworks at the entry to the small farming town of Williams had been cleared but no, the roads are still ripped up. I drove in cautiously and then had another 30 kms or so of dark road flanked by farms before I got to my destination. I was so tense by the time I got to my hotel. I had a shower and went to bed without dinner and slept fitfully. 
The sunrise was glorious. I sipped coffee while tucked in bed and watched the sun melt the meringue mist that hung over the town. I still felt exhausted and unwell and wondered how I was going to function in a day that was fully booked. Then I remembered reading an article on a flight about ‘forest bathing’, a Japanese therapy, Shinrin-yoku, that developed in the 1980s when people were dying from working too hard. The concept is simple as it is complex. Essentially one is among trees, among nature, in a mindful way. I decided to try it. It was cold this morning so I dressed in layers and headed to Foxes Lair.
The reserve is lush in winter green. It was quiet and I was the only one walking around. My steps were slow. My movements slower. I took it all in. The kookaburras chortle grew more distant as I walked away from it. The parrots flew in and when they left, the honeyeaters and silvereye swarmed high above my head. I wanted to do nothing but just absorb the energy of the moment. I walked around for half an hour. I was rejuvenated and renewed. I returned to my hotel, completed half a report and then headed to work.
I have worked a whole day with barely a break and completed the report I started this morning. I cannot believe it was only yesterday morning I felt so depleted of energy,
Is there some truth in the benefits of Shinrin-yoku? All I can say, if you experience a flat spot, find a verdant corner somewhere and let your body drink it in, sip by delicate sip. I’d be interested to hear if it had the same positive impact on you as it had on me.
In response to RDP – Monday: Verdant
Mother’s Day
It’s Mother’s Day today and I’m making a late start after a quiet morning. As a family we are taking a rain cheque and will celebrate the day at another time when everyone is at home. The quiet time today has also given me the opportunity to think about what this day means to me. Like all parents, over the years, I developed my own views on being a mother.
For me motherhood is a chosen way of life. At its core is conscious living. It is a constant testing of who you are as a person and the choices you make. It is active role modelling like no other. It is a tree that gives shade. It is a flame that torches reality or a pin that bursts a bubble. It is a balm that soothes pain. It is a neon sign that says, “I’m here” and it is bigger and brightest during the darkest night, when the way is lost for mother and child. It is the loudest cheerleader that says, “I knew you would make it”. It is a shield that says, “I’m prepared to die for you”. It is a confessional where all is forgiven. It is the gateway to learning forgiveness that reads, “we all make mistakes, let’s start again”. It is a promise (or threat!), “I’m by your side, whether you like it or not, now and always.” It is a human embrace like no other.
Being a mother is the role I value and cherish most in my life and one that I wish to be remembered for. Without my children’s father I would not be a mother today, so I am grateful to him for that. And, I’m grateful to my children for giving me the experience of motherhood every single day. It is a yearning from early childhood that has never diminished.
Happy Mother’s Day where ever you may be. May your day be blessed with love and laughter.
Until next time
As always
a dawn bird
Within reach
Geographe Bay, Busselton, Western Australia May 2019
Clouds, like memories
drift
within reach.
a dawn bird
Word of the Day Challenge: Cloudy
All things yum!
First published some seventy years ago, The Chef was written by my grandfather and considered ‘a cooking bible’ by some Indian women of a certain generation. He lived with us for some years in his later years but I don’t remember him ever cooking. I do recall him hanging about the kitchen much to the annoyance of our cook. He could develop a recipe by smell alone. I have his instinct for cooking. I love to cook and often make adjustments by smell rather than taste. I’m not sure how I do it, but, like him, it comes naturally to me. Sadly I rarely cook these days but some of the meals I’ve taken are memorable. 
Indian street food, called chaart, is a new trend that has caught on in Perth. The ingredients are generally the same (fresh coriander, green chilli, red onion, plain yoghurt, sweet and tart tamarind sauce) over crispy mouthfuls of tiny discs and sometimes stuffed in balls the size of a communion host, eaten in one bite. My family loves this and we eat this at least once a fortnight.
As a child, my siblings and I would stand near a food stall in pouring rain with a gas lantern for light nearby while the man whipped up these goodies and packaged them in a newspaper cone. Somehow the memory of this is tastier than what I eat in a sanitized restaurant.
In Bunbury I enjoy buying dinner from the Indian food truck. His meals are made fresh and tastes authentic. A hot curry on a winter’s night with the wind blowing a gale beach side is a treat I look forward to when I’m there. He makes the best pistachio kulfi, an Indian ice cream.
And when he’s not around, my favourite room service pasta, is my comfort food.
I recently discovered Fish Face in Esperance. A gourmet fish and chips place. I had a delicious meal of Queen Snapper, pippi (a tiny clam) and steamed potatoes with lemon butter. I had not eaten pippi in over 40 years! They were a taste from childhood.
I’m not feeling my best at the moment. It’s been a pressured few weeks and I’m mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I could not get out of bed this morning even though the sunrise over the Bay looked spectacular. This is so unlike me.
On returning to Perth I shopped for ingredients for a soup I learnt to make from my Polish landlady over 30 years ago. My family calls it “Mum’s witches brew”. It makes me feel better and lifts my spirit.
Polish food is my comfort food. Cabbage rolls, savoury borscht, pierogi is what I crave in winter. I miss my dear Mrs B who spoiled me rotten in the days before I was married. The food she made was simple and hearty but it was gourmet food to me.
Until next time
As always
a dawn bird
In response to RDP Saturday: Gourmand
Pillow Talk
You travel light
Not a care in the world
No baggage dragged around
Or dumped at my front door
No ego, no superego,
no library in your vocabulary
No raised, quizzical eyebrow
Your curiosity is naïve
You don’t complicate life
With judgements and a critical eye
I like where you came from
And where you’ve been
Your plans don’t go beyond the now
You have no idea where you are going
Why would you, you question me
Because time stands still here,
where you are happiest
When you’re with me.
a dawn bird
In response to RDP Friday: Eyebrow
Rain
Rain, like tears
nectar
uncorked.
a dawn bird
Letter to my son
When you and C set the wedding date it was a special moment for the families. Unfortunately, my inner mother-in-law zilla surfaced as well and my mantra “You’ve got to have this, you’ve got to have that … it’s a wedding after all!” became the norm for me. You were patient and eventually had to curb my enthusiasm in a steady, quiet voice, “Mum, it’s our day, the best gift you could give is be happy for us on the day”. You went on to add the wedding you and C had in mind, was one of fun and laughter and one that represented you as a couple best. You had been to many weddings before and did not want a ‘cookie cutter’ event. We reached a compromise on the food and drinks and you and C and your ‘bridal committee’ took over the rest.
You let me organise the rehearsal. I was going to have a champagne brunch at home where I had carte blanc but I had to squeeze in one last work trip, so we decided to go to Crowne Plaza for a meal instead. It was such a lovely lunch and I got to meet some of your friends I had not met before. Everyone decided to have a small bet as we walked through the casino. I got caught up in the moment. I fed the machine $20 and it sang ding, ding, ding. It was the joke of the day because you know I loathe gambling. I was so embarrassed that I refused to go to the cashier and carried the coins in my bag. Foolish me! Fifty five one dollar coins is a heavy load and I ended up with a cramped arm that night!
I’m not sure why I was concerned about the wedding plans. You and your friends were part of the anime and cosplay community since university days. You had planned big conventions before including organising everything for visiting international stars. After considering all the usual wedding venues, you and C wanted the reception at Perth Zoo. The private lawn area is beautiful and under the boughs of tall trees with constant birdsong. With all the green, you decided to surprise your bride with a floral backdrop. It was just the right choice instead of all white flowers. You declined the offer of a professional photographer because it was “a plugged wedding” and everyone was invited to take pictures and upload to a special social media hashtag. There was a Bridal Bingo for the photographs uploaded. There were selfies galore at the wedding and much laughter. You chose to have an Instamatic corner and invited guests to take a polaroid picture and pin it on a board with a personal message. I watched the fun your friends had with the polaroids pics. I have looked at all the pictures and selfies online and read their remarks. You and C knew best. Judging from the comments, your guests are still raving about your wedding, how unique it was and what a fun time they had.
The choice of celebrant was a bone of contention between us. I saw the solemnity of the moment. You and C resisted having a stranger step into the role. You both wanted the moment to be inclusive and reflect who you are as a couple. The celebrant was your friend and former roommate who knew both of you best. Yes, he was hilarious and perfect for the tone of the wedding. Your friends roared with laughter, clapped and cheered as you both took your first steps into a new journey. It was what your friends expected. You knew this better than me!
Indoors the only white material at this wedding was the table linen and overhead canopy. The only formality was the bridal table. The rest of the evening was as you planned it. It was perfect. It reflected the fun child like spirit you both enjoy.
This was one of the compromises you as a couple graciously allowed me. The food was a mix of cocktail canapes and high tea, with a generous drink tab. I’m still baffled how we all felt so satiated despite everything being miniature. I am even more baffled how a very young crowd consumed less than 10% of the drinks tab and still had the best time! Your friends are awesome! I have never seen such a big crowd of twentysomethings enjoying themselves while taking selfies, dancing, videoing, and thoroughly enjoying being in the moment, cameras in hand. It left your father feeling and looking bemused.
When you stated it was everything fairy tale. I envisioned something quite different! 
The stickers and giveaways were funny and made by your talented artist friend. 
I was confused and could not envision what C had planned for the centre pieces. Each table centre piece was a theme from childhood favourites – Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, Frozen, Beauty and the Beast etc. It was such fun that the guests went table to table to check them out instead of staying seated. All made by C herself, sourcing items from vintage shops. They were better and more fun than the baby’s breath and peonies I had envisioned.
As C lost her mother at a young age and was raised by “Granny”, I thought we would go shopping for a dress without a budget and enjoy ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ moments. But no, C wanted to make her own dress and wanted something she could recycle. Her dress was vintage lace that she unpicked entirely and created her own. She wanted to be a princess for a day. She did and it suited her personality. No one would have expected her to wear anything else. Her hair tendrils were in her late mother’s favourite colours. I cried when I saw her walking up the aisle to you.
I won the round with the cake! “You can’t have a wedding without a cake!” I lamented and you two resisted saying no one eats cake these days. In the end C made her own cake and refused a conventional one that would have cost me $$$. I’m so glad you had one. The crowd roared when you cut it. 
C’s tears flowed freely in the arms of an internet friend from Sydney. A surprise you kept secret. This moment of joy, is yours too.
So it is all over now. Life begins for you and your wife.
As I cut the apron strings there are a few things you ought to know. I learned to be a better mother because of you. Never wanting to be separated from me, was a challenge for us both. Then came the fussy choices about food, another challenge for a mother who loved to cook. I dug deeper and deeper and found a special joy in being a mother to you. I found a reservoir of patience, understanding and love that I never knew was there and I access it to this day. Raising you on my own should have been a bigger challenge but it hasn’t been. You exemplify what is good about youth. You are forward thinking, inclusive, community minded, mindful about resources and have a vision for a better world. And above all, you value family. Your dad, sister and I have been privileged to share life’s journey with you. The lead up to your wedding and on the day itself, I realised, there are times when a parent needs to step back and let your children be who they are. This realisation was a joy equalled to watching you take faltering steps in your first pair of shoes.
If your wedding is anything to go by, may your journey in life as C’s husband, be filled with laughter, love, fun and surprises. Be happy. Be together. Be forgiving. Be healthy. And, may you both always be surrounded by the love and laughter of family and friends as you did on your wedding day.
Your loving mum
And, yes,
a dawn bird
Those java days …
The taste of coffee
smokey
smooth
warm
on your lips,
at first light.
a dawn bird
In response to Word of the Day Challenge: Delight
A wedding in the family
It’s the morning after the reception. The bridal party is ‘debriefing’ in the other room. My home is filled with voices and laughter. I’m sipping champagne as I write.
Do marriages extend families or divide them? Having straddled two cultures for most of my life, I’m inclined to borrow the best from both cultures I’ve been exposed to. I now have a daughter-in-law and it fills me with emotion. I am committed to loving her, as if she is my own. A special privilege and one I don’t take lightly.
It was a joyous occasion. The best thing I did was step out of the picture and let the night be what the young couple envisaged for themselves. By all accounts, it was everything and more what friends expected of them. There were no dramas as seen in ‘reality TV’. Just a lot of laughter, at times chaos, and oh yes, the rings were left on the bench at home. There was a quick reaction from others who offered theirs, and most guests thought it was part of the lighthearted fun! It wasn’t! The celebrant (a friend of the couple) covered the gaffe with aplomb!
There were tiny personal touches like the confetti made from cut out fallen leaves.
The bride looked stunning. 
Much like me, she believes fairy tales can come true, so the theme of her dress was princess. She bought a vintage dress, handpicked it and created a dress she always dreamed of. She floated down the grassed aisle like she walked on clouds.
And, yes, there was cake! Also made by the bride. 
My daughter was part of the group made up of “best people”, not gender specific of best man and bridesmaid. It was a special night that included their father and his current partner. I’m sure he felt as proud of them, as I felt. I was even more proud of my son for acknowledging his father’s partner because she has been a presence in their lives for over ten years. For a brief moment, we were family again, the boundaries set years ago, made seamless by the joy of the occasion.
I believe my family has grown. Today, I am richer because of it.
Until next time
As always
a dawn bird
The choice
At the seam
defining high and low
she weighs her options
unafraid
unencumbered
undaunted
by opportunity,
of choice.
a dawn bird
In response to Word of the Day Challenge: Seam
As one
As the tide left shore
searching for another
in the ebb and flow
ear to earth
we found a heartbeat
that was ours
a dawn bird
A Shared Space 
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