Detox!

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I thought I’d wake feeling like this.

I’ve had a weekend of near 100% detox.  I didn’t quite make it for both days.  I went out to lunch with family and in my defense, I did cut out the usual suspects, minimised what I ate (piece of grilled chicken) and enjoyed their company instead.

What the weekend showed me is that I did not lose any energy and detox had a positive impact on my mood.  I did not crave three coffees in the morning.  I did not crave my usual  3pm cuppa in the afternoon.  This morning I’m energised and productive.  I’ve already completed one report.  My mind is clear.  I can focus.  I’m not craving anything, not even coffee.  The first thing I did was reach for water.  I always enjoy a quiet moment on the sofa at dawn.  Today, I enjoyed the moment for longer.  I felt at peace.  There was no urgency to my day.  I felt 24 hours is a long time to accomplish my goals for today.  I did not feel a sense of euphoria (that hunger can bring on).  Just peace.

I’ve been exposed to several different cultures and faiths.  Most of them practice abstinence, meditation, silence, and fasting, followed by a celebration of some kind.  I suspect there is more than a faith based reason for this.

What this weekend also taught me.  I need to inform my family when I’m having a weekend detox.  I never refuse meeting my children for a meal because we are all busy and meeting becomes a logistical challenge for all.  As my work schedule takes shape for the year, I also need to be more prepared for those days I may be home.  So a freezer of frozen broth is on the to do list, this week.

What I found really challenging was limiting fruit.  I love eating fruit every day.  So I kept the mantra in my head going, “It’s only two days”.   It helped.

Will this become part of my health regime.  Yes, definitely.  I can see value in this.  All I needed was planning to make it possible.  Now, that’s sorted, I need to fine tune me.

Can I step it up and abstain from screen devices and enjoy absolute silence and solitude?  I’m up for that challenge!

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

Puppy love

“Can we move back home?”, my daughter asked me after she ended a long term relationship.  I was in the middle of renovations and I considered her plea for just a moment longer than I would have otherwise.  “We” meant the dog as well.  Don’t get me wrong.  I do love dogs.  We always had one in my family home.  There was Shane a white German Shepherd who sadly was stolen from us when he was just a puppy followed by Jet our black labrador.  Jet was gentle and docile.  If there was a knock at the front door he would walk casually to the back and we would know we had visitors.  He was with us for around 16 years.  My sister claimed him as hers so I had little to do with him.

Then I was bitten on two occasions by dogs during home visits.  I became wary of them. Still am.  So having a dog move into the home was a daunting thought.

My daughter and M moved in.  The home is large is enough for M and I to avoid each other, is how I reasoned.  She, too, kept her distance.  Over time we just seemed to know what the other was feeling.  I sensed toilet breaks.  She sensed the mood of an empty nester and would tap her tail gently, to let me know she was there.  Interestingly the distress of the breakup impacted M too.  She became attached to my vacuum cleaner.  Where ever I placed the vacuum cleaner, she would lie next to it.  I ended giving it to my daughter when they moved out.  She also sensed when I was packing for trips and give me a sad look.  It started to tear me up.  “I’m back in a few days”, I found myself telling her.  I felt guilty each time I left home.  We had bonded.  thumb_IMG_0193_1024.jpgM is nearly seven.  A veteran of a few surgeries and was recovering from one in this picture.  She knows not to jump on me and can read my hand signal, stop.  Clever girl!  She is now comfortable in my home whenever they visit.thumb_IMG_2442_1024.jpgThen came Em.  The Instagram star.  She also found herself featured in an Ikea catalogue.  Our little celebrity.  Hold a mobile phone and Em will immediately get a toy and pose!  She was barely a year old in this picture and is now bigger.  The first thing I do on the internet each morning, is look at her latest picture.  She is my morning smile.thumb_IMG_3595_1024.jpgThe most recent addition to the family is Kovu, my son’s chocolate labrador.  Still only a few months old he is a bundle of energy.  It makes me smile when the dogs go to the beach on ‘a play date’!  I nearly fell off the chair the other day when my son stated he needed to go home as his “son” was waiting for him.  This from a hipster twentysomething who claims he and his fiancee are never going to have children!

I don’t have a pet, but dogs are part of my family.  How is it possible dogs can fill a home and heart with so much love?  I really don’t know.  They just do.  That’s the power of puppy love.  Unconditional.  Sensitive.  Playful.  Loyal.  Faithful.  We are their world and they mean the world to us.  And, that’s enough of an answer for me.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

 

 

 

The Chef’s granddaughter

My grandfather wrote the recipe book, The Chef.  I’ve written about this in another post.  I’m sure from him that I love to cook.

I find cooking relaxing.  Being in the kitchen is never a chore for me.  Chopping, dicing, slicing, stirring, tasting, all wonderful sensory experiences.  Nothing pleases me more than cooking up a feast and watching people enjoying their meal.

I have a library of recipe books.   My favourite and most frequently used ones are by Donna Hay, and some very old Women’s Weekly recipes, yes, a few over 30 years old.  I love cooking Italian influenced meals, for their vibrancy and flavours, so naturally I got Jamie Oliver’s latest book for Christmas as a gift.  I enjoy cooking his recipes too for the simplicity.  I have a few Nigella Lawson’s books but I dislike watching the contrived approach to cooking so much, I bake or cook from her books only occasionally.  My son, a teen at the time, finding me always in the kitchen, once told me I was the Nigella in the family “without the porn”!  I recently discovered Yotam Ottolenghi’s recipes and love his approach too.  Yes, I am a hoarder of recipes.  If I lived another dozen lives, I still would not have gone through them all.  IMG_2956.jpgI even collect recipes when I’m in a plane!

One of the hardest challenges for me being on the road so much is that I miss cooking my own meals and when home, there’s hardly enough time.  The upside, of course is, I do get to enjoy some lovely meals while travelling and will share a few with you that I’ve enjoyed around the State.  thumb_IMG_3871_1024.jpgPoached egg with salmon on potato rosti with Hollandaise sauce and caper berry.  Best breakfast ever enjoyed at The Pumphouse, Kununurra, far north of Perth.  It is my favourite restaurant in this region that sits on the site of the old Ord Pump Station on the Ord River.  The dinner with a magnificent sunset, is pretty amazing too and I’ve shared pictures of this in another post.thumb_IMG_1029_1024.jpgThe most memorable breakfast I’ve ever eaten was by the banks of the King River, after sleeping under stars in outback Kimberley.  Bread toasted over an open fire, the smell of eggs and bacon frying and a side of freshly caught barramundi with nothing but salt and pepper to season it.  It set the bar high.thumb_IMG_1616_1024.jpgA far cry from eating out is the paleo inspired breakfast I cook for the family on a Sunday with a glass of freshly squeezed apple, celery, lime and ginger juice.thumb_IMG_0831_1024.jpgOr for lunch, one of the family’s favourite curries is a recipe from Donna Hay (Lemon Lime Coconut Chicken).   A Thai inspired curry that is absolutely delicious and takes barely 15 minutes to make.  thumb_IMG_0808_1024.jpgMy children have never been to India so when they were younger whatever I cooked up and presented as Indian food, got me by.  They were my biggest fans, my version of a biryani being a favourite.  (It’s not really a biryani, more of a pilaf!).  I’m not good at cooking Indian food.  I know this.  I know the taste and what it should be.  I never seem to get it right.  Now that Perth has a proliferation of Indian restaurants serving more authentic food, I’ve noticed my children prefer to eat out when I offer to cook Indian!  Hmmmm

I recently stayed at a B&B in Collie, a lovely property owned by an elderly couple.  Being out of town on an evening when the weather was atrocious, she offered to cook me dinner.  I sat alone downstairs enjoying this delicious meal that was set out all fancy with real silver cutlery, linen napkins and all.  I think I paid $20 for this.  The apple pie with the crusty coconut, demerara sugar and vanilla topping was sublime.  A far cry from a hasty grab of something from a petrol station bain marie in the Wheatbelt.  So naturally, I took a picture to send my son.  “Enjoying dinner”, I texted him.  The fancy setting did not escape his eye.  He responded, “Dinner date with Dracula?”

As I said before I love cooking Italian.  I love the vibrancy and taste of various regions.  I enjoyed watching the show when it was on TV and cooking the late Antonio Carluccio’s recipes.  And more recently I’ve developed a love for Silvia Collaca’s recipes and show.  My Italian cooking leaves a lot to be desired.  I tend never to stick to a recipe but that’s the joy of cooking for me.  A recipe is just a place to start and the deviations are fun.thumb_IMG_1443_1024.jpgItalian sausages cooked with capcicums, chillies and dressed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar with crusty bread is a quick and delicious meal to take to a pot luck dinner with friends.thumb_IMG_0961_1024.jpgMy go to comfort food is an Indian beef stew with vegetables and pasta, a recipe that evokes childhood, with nothing else to season it but salt, peppercorns, bay leaf, cinnamon and cardamon, slow cooked, of course.  I’m not sure where the recipe came from but I recall our cook making this.  I used to yearn for it and one day, closed my eyes and evoked the memory of it.  Without a written recipe, and with the cook and my mother long passed, I knew exactly what went into the stew and it is as authentic as it came from the kitchen in my family home.thumb_IMG_0177_1024.jpgThen there’s the best time of year.  Christmas.  Where all my dreams come true.  I love to experiment.  This was a little shot of peppermint candy cane milkshake I made a couple of years ago.thumb_IMG_1302_1024.jpgBut I’m not as creative as others in making up recipes, like this one I found in 2016 somewhere along my travels!

All this food is making me hungry, but it’s just green tea today for me.  Oh why! did the word prompt come up with this on a detox weekend!

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chore or choice

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I recall many years ago attending a weekend health retreat at a place that was primarily for cancer patients and their family.  The retreat would open to the general public once a year and I jumped at the opportunity to go there.  We were warned there would be no caffeine, sugar or salt in the meals.  My knees buckled at the thought but it was just a weekend, I would survive, I told myself.  The weekend changed my diet for months.  I could not eat fast foods (too salty), caffeine gave me an unpleasant buzz and sugar made me feel ill.

Last year my goal was to be a mindful consumer of food.  I wondered if the label had a paragraph of ingredients, was it really healthy to consume on a regular basis?  This led to mindful shopping.  I do love zoning out in a supermarket but have found I need bare essentials only.  I take out the recycle bin every 4-6 weeks.  I’m not consuming that much!

Having made major adjustments to daily living, I’ve set a personal goal this year.  It is an undeniable truth I lead a stressful life.  Making sure I spend some time in mindful moments comes easily to me now.  I am healthy on a psychological level but I have neglected my physical health.  So this year I’m going to be kind and nurturing to my body.

To achieve this goal I had to think what that actually means.  With competing priorities, this part was the hardest and quite confronting.  It required me to do what does not come naturally to me.  I had to give myself a higher priority.  So I thought I’d start like I did on the health retreat and try this over a weekend.

I seem to have chosen the hottest weekend to detox and nurture myself.  In some ways, a blessing in disguise.   Lots of fluid is the order of the day.

It has taken a lot of planning to get to this point.  With a fridge that is often bare was a good place to start.  I could choose what I needed.  It has taken away the stress of choice of what I should not be consuming over the next two days.

This morning I made a jug of green tea, and added lime, orange and grapefruit and a handful of crushed mint leaves, and filled it with ice.  Delicious!  It will be gone before lunch.

Late last night I made a pot of clear vegetable soup.  I could have easily used kitchen appliances to slice and dice vegetables.  But I enjoyed the manual task.  It seemed to be a nurturing gesture.  Despite being a warm morning, my body craved the soup instead of coffee.  I knew the soup was full of nutrition.

Making changes comes down to perception.  It is a chore or is it a choice.  Choice is more self-directed, and a powerful motivator.  A chore is generally imposed by someone else or circumstances.  Having made this distinction, I can’t wait for the next weekend!

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

 

 

 

Sea child

I’ve just returned from the South-West.  I based myself in Busselton and travelled around within a 100 km radius.  At dusk I walked the 1.7 km jetty and tried not to get blown off in the stiff breeze.  Like others, I stood as sunset and watched it, like I had never seen one before when a little girl caught my eye.  This post is for her and to those who bring joy to others unexpectedly.  The sequence of photographs is how I saw it.DSCN0118.jpgDSCN0119.jpgDSCN0120.jpgDSCN0117.jpg

Sea Child

Along a strip where sand meets the sea

a little girl plays tag

dipping her toes in

she races away

as the sea chases her unexpectedly

She returns once more

to do it again

a game of chicken, with the sea

this time the sea claims victory

she concedes

arms billowing, she spins in the breeze

throwing her head back with laughter

I watch this child of joy

listening, seeing, touching,

breathing in, senses alive

alone in a crowd, by the sea

yet connected to all

she dances in the space where,

with you, I yearn to be.

A dawnbird

 

Brought to you by the letter F

My daughter has always been a creative, adventurous, curious soul.  She would bop to music holding on to the sofa before she could walk.  Always wanting to be busy, I would put the TV late afternoon to hear the welcome words “…. and brought to you by the letter ….”.  We would both enjoy half an hour of quiet time.  This became a pattern and once the baby arrived, in case I forgot the program was to start (in the days before programs were on loop), I would put the TV on a few minutes earlier.  One day to my utter dismay I heard her yell out in frustration, “scumbag!”.  “Where on earth did you learn that!” my immediate response and reprimand.  She wasn’t able to tell me.  Days went by and I found myself catching a few minutes on the sofa myself.  She snuggled near me and we waited for Sesame Street.  But before her program, we caught the tail end of a political program with our then Prime Minister in full flight during question time.  A volley of “scumbag” flew across the parliamentary debate.

Around the age of four at dinner time, as was our routine, I asked her about her day.  She happily disclosed she had a great day but day care staff told her, she wasn’t allowed to say “*#ck” any more.  Her father and I put down cutlery and stared at her in horror, saying in unison, “What do you mean anymore?”  Followed by where did you learn the word, how long have you been saying this!  “My friends” and “always” was her casual response.

I have no objections to swearing.  Put me in Perth traffic, and I can turn the air blue.  It is an emotional expression.  It is how words are used, and by whom, and when that concerns me.  I’ll share what I mean.

Australia is known for its ancient art rock paintings.  One of these places is the Burrup Peninsular, north of Perth.DSCN8679.jpgAbout 30 km out of Karratha in mining country, the Burrup Peninsular is a pretty special place, especially at sunset.  It is also a place of controversy with the gas exploration near by.DSCN8670.jpgI’ve been here a few times but mostly seek sunset near the water.  One evening we decided to take a walk instead.  With light was fading and with no torch, although my travelling companion was more adventurous, I was not keen to walk back to the car in the dark.  So it was a short stay among the fearsome hot rocks.DSCN8677.jpgThe art here is thousands of years old, some newer (1800s).  I felt a deep sense of reverence in this ancient place.  This place did not have the prominence of prime time TV slots.  It did not vie for attention with the glorious sunset.  Yet, it captivated my attention and my spirit.  It quietened me and put me in a meditative space.  It was a library of life, how it was lived, by the hunters and gatherers.  It emitted a message.  The understanding of it, was mine to keep in the moment, interpret later, and pass on.  So I am.

If we are open to learning, and most of us are, shouldn’t that alert us to the influences around us?  I know I wasn’t before becoming a parent.  My child raised my awareness.

There is no other time in my lifetime have I felt a such a deep sense of disquiet, as I feel now.  We live in a world of ‘social influencers’ where life is lived through instagram moments.  This is an age where even one’s spoken words can be turned around to imply the listeners got it wrong!  We have arrived at a point where we live in a world of global gaslighting.

The reach of technology is long.  Yesterday I received an unsolicited SMS from a political candidate with rhetoric modelled on the ‘success’ of another businessman who became a ‘leader’.  To say this unsettled or infuriated me, is an understatement.

The written word and art are some of the oldest forms of communication.  We preserve it.  We honour it.  It tells us where we came from.  It influences the future.  It is fragile as life itself.  It is freedom.

And with freedom, comes responsibility.  This is the message I leave for my children.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

 

 

 

 

Much like birds …

I find it fascinating that most birds pair for life.  How do they choose a life partner?  Do they ever make mistakes?  How do they work out differences? Do they ever fall out of love?  Do they ever yearn for the way it used to be?  How do they cope when their partner is no more?  So many questions.  I have no answers.

With the birds I observe, the males like the fairy blue wren are gorgeous whereas the female is less vivid.  Male birds work hard to get the female”s interest.  I once watched a bower bird diligently collect green objects (including an unattended key ring) for his potential love.  In the bird world, it’s Girl Power! all the way, it would seem.10960430_931215490224047_2663591319257657208_o.jpgThe pink galahs make me laugh!  It would appear, when it comes to love, no different than you and me.

I went through a phase after my divorce thinking it would be nice to be in a relationship.  I hadn’t factored in, life had changed me.  My standards and priorities were different.  I was stronger.  (Yes, Girl Power!).  Financially secure with adult children, was an attraction for some men, but they did not meet my criteria:  a man of integrity and social conscience.  I asked for nothing more.  You’d think I was asking for the world, but I know a man of that calibre would mean the world to me.

This evening the word prompt jogged my memory of a beautiful poem that encapsulated everything I felt in those days of search, so I’ll share it with you.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (@ http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com)

I love this poem.  It speaks of a journey and many other journeys, some taken, some yet to be taken, some to be taken individually, others jointly.  It speaks of togetherness, of oneness of self, and with another.  I love the inherent spiritual nature of relationship in this poem.

So where am I today?  I no longer look.  I found oneness and togetherness in Nature.  I am in a happy place.  The danger, I’m told, is “this is when it happens”!

How contrary is life?

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

I wake to this each day

DSCN9117.jpgBorn at dawn, I wake at dawn each day.  When I’m not home the last thing I do before I go to bed is check the time for first light and sunrise.  I then set my clock to five minutes before.  I can’t think of one reason why I should stay in bed, when this is outside my hotel room in Esperance.DSCN9988.jpgAt home one of my pet peeves is turning on the light when it is still dark in the home.  I love the quiet moment of ambivalence of darkness before light.  I sit and enjoy my coffee while the shadows take shape.  As I sipped my coffee I inhaled the unmistakable breathtaking perfume of jasmine.  To my left, just beyond the patio, I caught a glimpse of white.  The light scatter of petals will be a dense carpet soon.DSCN9989.jpgAs I walked around a garden, cooled by the sprinklers overnight, my eyes were drawn to new growth.  My heart space has taught me, the freshest growth is where the plant is pruned the harshest.  A take away message today for me.DSCN7075.jpgNature has taught me to seek an ebullient moment, at least once each day.  If you’ve ever watched birds early morning, you’ll know where the teaching came from.DSCN9916.jpgI often photograph surfers early morning in Esperance.  Surfers walk into the water to be one with it, whereas I, a non-swimmer, stand away from the roiling waves in awe.  The draw to the sea, the fear and fascination, that pull from one to the other is inexplicable.  Much like a surfer, I surrender to joy of seduction, when I’m in that moment of play.

May you too wake seeking a moment like this, each day.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

The Healer Sea

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The tide arrived at night

It swirled around my head

It found the vault, where memories are kept

As the tide reached that sacrosanct shore

Bringing storms, spinning truth, distorting reality

What was once mine, was no longer mine to keep

So I opened the vault, and threw away the key

Swept off my feet, the tide carried me last night

Leaving only sea prints in the sand

I woke this morning, free, adrift, whole

the sea, my healer, found a tide

that brought me home, to love again.

a dawn bird

 

 

 

This rhythm, life

January was to be a quiet month of settling into my home.  But eight days down I have already made my first trip, this time to Geraldton, in the Midwest and have more visits to come.  I had also planned to complete all reports pending from last year and ploughing my way through the mountain.  I’ve been less productive than I hoped I would be.  Perhaps, this is just the aftermath of holidays or the heat that’s slowing me down.  As I lumber on, I thought I’d stop and reflect on the rewards that await me should I stay on task.DSCN7513.jpgThe feel of walking bare feet on sea debris.DSCN7426.jpgSeeing my touchstone again on Cable Beach, before it is permanently part of the sea.  (I’ve written about this rock platform in a previous post, titled Narratives).DSCN7535.jpgExperiencing a moment when a tiny Lesser Sand Plover, stands like a mountain before me.DSCN7913.jpgStanding below a red collared lorikeet in Kununurra wondering how did it get that shaggy look!DSCN8202.jpgLooking into the glassy eyes of the Inland Thornbill.DSCN8314.jpgExperiencing the delight at finding a button quail on the front lawn of a hotel, so tiny, I thought it was a mouse.  The mother quail stayed a fraction longer, so I could take a picture of her beautiful feathered herringbone cloak.DSCN8221.jpgSpending time with kingfishers, silent in trees above me.DSCN8355.jpgAnd in the Midwest, where the only clouds are between wheat fields and sky.DSCN8307.jpgWaking to find the colours of sunset at my doorstep, at dawn.DSCN7790.jpgSpending time at the beach where I am 20 feet tallerDSCN7813.jpgand knowing my heart is whole again.DSCN7783.jpgThese joys await in the not too distant future, I know for sure.  But for now, like the tiny Lesser Sand Plover I’ll ignore the waves of work and focus on just what’s before me.  Work.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

 

 

The return

No matter where I am, almost always, the first bird I see is the Willy Wagtail.  It is a constant, a reassurance of the familiar.  It is always good company.  They are fearless on approach, intent on the insects that are dispersed when one walks.  I’ve nearly stepped on one during a bush walk.

Being away from home frequently, I make every effort to create the feeling of ‘home’ everywhere I go.  One year it seemed ironic, when I was home, I was not.

I went to the back yard, and with the Willy Wagtail for company, I wandered around as I always do, checking on this and that.  DSCN9862.jpgThis time the bird stayed on the twig, aloof.DSCN7033.jpgThe gaze, intent.DSCN9856.jpgEver watchful.DSCN9847.jpgWithin a week the behaviour changed.  The bird became territorial.DSCN9886.jpgEvery time I went to the laundry line or patio.  It would watch me from a distance.DSCN9916.jpgIt would display the tail, the distinctive fantail and chirp excitedly.DSCN9911.jpgIt found a high spot, a natural arbour made by the branches of the mulberry tree.DSCN9917.jpgOne day it pulled itself up to look bigger and then swooped me.

Once the bird swooped me, my backyard was no longer mine.  I had crossed an invisible line.  I was a target, moving or not.  If I dared to stand by the sliding door or even window, it would fly up against the glass.  The message was clear.  Stay away!DSCN7034.jpgOne morning, unable to go outdoors, I aimed the camera at the mulberry tree.  That’s when I saw the nest the Willy Wagtail had been defending.  I respected the need for protection and never got to photograph the chick/s.  I did find an empty eggshell one day under the mulberry tree and was happy with that.

Homecoming is about rejoicing the return.  Yesterday I watched a pair of Willy Wagtails in the backyard, playful and cheeky.  Courtship, perhaps.  I watched them with growing amusement, and knew sometime in the future, my home will no longer be mine.  I’m okay with that.

I reflected on the word home what it means and represents and realised the most comfortable home, is the one I’ve created in self.

I’ve practiced mindfulness for some years now.  It used to take a great deal of effort when life separated me from self.  Now it is effortless.  It takes but a few minutes each day, like it did to compose this post, and when I do, like the birds, the homecoming is a celebration.  So why not celebrate every day?

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

 

 

 

 

Fireworks

I love fireworks but avoid events in the city due to the parking and transport hassles.  A couple of years ago I happened to be in Bunbury, some two hours south of home.  My hotel was along the estuary and I found I was there on a night of fireworks.  I didn’t have to fret about parking, I just strolled to the foreshore.  Families started to arrive.  Picnics were set out. Music and laughter floated by.

The evening was warm, the memory of the event, warmer.DSCN7685.jpgI sat on the shore and watched children skimming rocks, while Bunbury Tower dominated on the horizon,DSCN7690.jpgWay across the water, people enjoyed a fun ride, sliding upwards on this lit pole and then being swung in circles.  I can only imagine the views from up there.DSCN7707.jpgSoon the clouds cleared.  The music reached a crescendo.  Sprays of colours bloomed in the air.  Rockets sped upwards leaving whistling sounds in its wake before exploding in a boom.  The children screamed louder with delight.

Captivated by the awe of the moment, the child in me did too.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

Three generations

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When I had a daughter I realised, to raise her, I needed to know myself.  To know myself I needed to know my mother.  And to know her was to, if not know, but understand her mother.  By peeling away the layers, I am in the present.

My grandmother Elizabeth, known as Bess, was 30 years younger than my grandfather.  A teenager when she married him, a widower with a small son.  My grandparents went on to have nine children and raised ten, the first always considered one of theirs.  We, the next generation, became aware of this history only in our teens.  It enthralled me.

I never knew Bess.  She died long before I was born but her memory lives in pictures and oral history.  She had a beautiful smile that captivated my grandfather, and a wonderful laugh that echoes in my daughter.  I’m told this but can’t be sure of it, Bess is always unsmiling in family photographs.  From the heart of old Goa, Bess spoke one language, Portuguese, in a lilting voice.  Family always recalled her “haughtiness” but, more than likely, she couldn’t communicate in the language of the region once she moved north.  She had her own tonga, a single horse drawn carriage, the transport of the time before cars.  She rode in it to church every day, a distance of less than a kilometre.  After Mass she arrived at the gates of the sprawling ancestral home.  To her own congregation at the gate, she dispensed a few coins, before she retired into the cavernous house.  Alone, a mother of many.  She died young following complications after the amputation of her leg from diabetes.

My grandfather had extensive business interests in mining and property.  With her husband away a lot, Bess was wealthy and bored.  She was a modern woman of her time.  Loneliness her company, she indulged in what she thought were the finer things in life.  My mother in a moment of indiscretion disclosed why her oldest sister never married and became the surrogate mother to them all.  With an army of home help for an infantry of children, my mother never knew a mother’s touch.  Among the gaggle of children, my mother tried to be “the good child”, hoping this strategy would be rewarded.  By all accounts, it didn’t.

My mother’s journey was similar in some ways to Bess.  My father was 12 years older than her, a gap considered too wide in her day.  My father adored her.  Fortune smiled at them later in life, so he indulged her every whim.  And, my mother found what she had been searching for in him.  We had an army of home help.  So I never knew a mother’s touch.  Unlike my mother, in a sibship of three, I was the infantry of one.  I rebelled every step of the way.  Fiercely independent and determined to shun the values of my heritage, I vowed on a daily basis, I would leave the home to travel the world.  A view that made my father chuckle and my mother collapse in a heap.  These are the memories of me when I was about six.  As the years went on, I misstepped into and out of my birth culture with regularity, and admittedly, sometimes got lost.  I defended my right to these stumbles by insisting, this was my life after all.

I did not escape the family cookie cutter when making a life choice.  Despite protests from my extended family, I married a man much older than myself.  The only difference, I was committed to breaking away from tradition.  I was never going to be like my mother.  But like many others, I found there is no compass to navigate being a parent.  Just history.  And, if not mindful, most likely to repeat itself.

Fast forward to the present.  I meet with my adult children on a regular basis.  We talk.  We laugh.  We share a life of family.  We are on the other side.  I respect my children for the young adults they have become.  It wasn’t always like this.

My daughter is like the young me.  Feisty and flinty when challenged, in her teen years, sharp edges would ignite a blaze.  Like me in my youth, the fire did not keep the home warm.  I had tried to rein my daughter in.  The other day my son reflected softly, “Big mistake!”

Bess had five daughters, three of whom had daughters, too.  Those five granddaughters went on to have daughters.  Of those four great granddaughters, Elizabeth is a memory in name.

And so the cycle began …

Generations

Unfurled from tangled roots

Life, a demarcation zone

The nebulous line of separation

drawn by heart-eye alone

in that no man’s land

all is forgiven

the writing on the wall fades

the toxic ground is pristine

the slate cleaned,

history rewritten

well, not quite …

a dawn bird