The last month of winter in the Southern Hemisphere arrived with torrential rain, hail, high winds and even rare snow flurries in some parts of Western Australia.
Today, thunder rolled above my roof and lightning flashed bright across grey skies. From my kitchen window I watched the doves seek shelter under the jasmine bushes, and as I wrapped my arms around myself and sought the warmth of my skin, I felt as cold as they looked.
After a whirlwind of back to back trips since October last year, I’m finally home for ten days, so I do admit, despite the bleak skies and cold, I’m enjoying being held captive at home by the rain.
I was in the Goldfields a couple of weeks ago. I have never experienced cold like I did during the trip but there were definitely some beautiful moments.
Sunrise, Kalgoorlie, Western Australia Sunrise from my hotel room is always glorious. There’s gold in those ranges with the Super Pit gold mine just under those skies in the distance.
Rainbow in Kalgoorlie Double rainbows were the norm most days and a treat to observe. I believe rainbows are the dolphins of the sky. It is impossible not to feel joy when you see one rise and arc across the horizon.
Back Beach, Bunbury, Western Australia
As the seasons change, so are my priorities.
I am slowly winding back my business and keeping only that which brings me joy. It is a guilty regret when I have reflected seasons have come and gone in the past 12 months and I have barely had time to pick up my camera. I had nearly forgotten what joy photography brings into my life.
Until the other day when I was rushing out of the rain and stopped in my tracks.
Despite high winds, in a recently pruned barren garden, a tiny rose leaf lay still, cradling even tinier jewel-like raindrops.
As I battle my way through this brutal winter, I close my eyes during bumpy flights, and count down the days to spring.
The year started like every other year. I was expecting life to set the bar no higher or lower than it has, over the past decade. I hurtled towards the familiar landscapes I’ve travelled across so frequently. I thought I had it all. Unknown to me, the Universe had other ideas.
First a family member became gravely ill and spent two months in intensive care. They have now recovered to a life that they had before illness. That, itself, is a miracle.
Reeling from this distress, I lost two-thirds of my business due to the vagaries that prevail in my field of work. I curled up into a ball …. for one night …. and, entirely unsolicited, was offered an even better and more lucrative contract the very next day. So the last few months have been hectic and kept me away from the blog as I wind up some of my work allowing me to focus on the contract I’m enjoying. To say I wake with a smile each morning is an understatement. I am in a happy space as I know within each loss, is a hidden unexpected gain.
Some of my regular work in the Goldfields continues. My hotel is in the middle of town and I, coffee in hand, never tire of the vista of beautiful old architecture each month.
I found this year a thunderstorm in the Goldfields is worth experiencing. It is all flash, thunderous noise and torrential warm rain. Quite breathtaking!
There was gold in other places too. I managed a trip to Narrogin in spring and found clumps of hibbertia hemignosta everywhere in Foxes Lair.
Then there was that amazing trip to Kalbarri in the north, where a few moments felt like a golden hour.
Flying over the pink lake of Port Gregory in the north on the way to Carnarvon, a destination I never reached but did experience three failed attempts of the small plane trying to land in poor weather, before returning home again. I have no memory of the journey home!
Flying over Shark Bay is always a treat! What’s not to love looking at this view on my way to work. It’s better than sitting in grid locked city traffic!
I spent a weekend in Margaret River without WIFI. The lack of intrusion from the outside world felt like another era in time. I have no idea what these flowers are but they were growing in huge bunches on tall trees. The birds loved them!
In spring Foxes Lair put up the usual show of wild flowers. I thought this jug orchid, drenched in morning dew, was gorgeous.
As were the tiny wild donkey orchids.
I’ve driven to Esperance three times in 12 years. It is a long drive of several hours. I tend to sleep overnight in Narrogin as the roads to Esperance are long and lonely. Fatigue is a dangerous companion. This place is a favourite stop in Ravensthorpe, a small town where this tiny shop does a roaring trade from tourists passing by. It sells all kinds of lollies (candy), ice creams, milk shakes and, of course, hot dogs. I love the Motown music she plays on repeat and it is the only place I buy a hot dog because it just seems the right place to eat one!
This tiny Mexican restaurant is in the north. It was several kms out of the town I was staying and there were no street lights on the way there. Ordinarily I would have returned back to the hotel as I had no idea where I was headed in the dark, but, much like falling in love, found it was worth the journey.
We have had a few days of fierce bushfires in the north, the smoke muting the sun during the day. I went outdoors at dusk to bring in the laundry and found this spectacular double rainbow over my backyard.
Although it has been a year of endings and beginnings, it is also a year when I have been scared out of my wits during flights and it is helping me to rethink some of my travel. Landing in Perth in a big plane from a mining town, I braced myself by holding on to the seat in front expecting the jarring of the tyres on tarmac when suddenly we were scooped up into the air again. There was no announcement, just silence while the plane circled for close to half an hour, over the ocean. People were murmuring waiting to hear the pilot speak and it seemed forever when he announced due to wind shear he could not land. Of all that I have experienced, that is one experience I rather not have again.
So what have I learned this year?
I’ve learnt to trust and it has strengthened my faith, not by doing more, but doing less. I’ve actively practiced acceptance and detachment in my everyday life (I had no other option, but to). And by doing so, found a new lease on life and an enormous sense of peace. Each day I make a concerted attempt at decluttering my life and environment. It is no longer a chore but something I look forward to every day. I buy only what I need. I only keep what I use. I honour the space I live in. I honour the space where my thoughts are kept. I honour the life I have been given.
I’ve arrived at this space because I found Nature is a healer and a teacher. We need to honour that.
So my wish for you is a simple one. Let Nature nurture your spirit. It is more powerful and richer, than any human headline.
It is in the moment of falling, losing grip of that fluid ground his peripheral vision sharp as he gazes briefly on those around still waiting for that wave he caught lying around, waiting, while he falls while he falls, he know he caught the wave boldly the one they waited for so he rises again, firm, steady, boldly determined on fluid ground once more.
by dawnbird
I love watching and photographing surfers. When I see them in the ocean, they teach me about hope, anticipation, courage, patience and most of all, determination.
So I start my first post of the year wishing that you have the courage to ride that wave because it is only in the falling, that you will know you have done so.
As always
a dawnbird
PS The poem came to me today from a place where I was two months ago which I will write about in the next post.
The iridescence blinded me
the kaleidoscope drew me in
spun me like a web
captive,
I wait for that moment, and, Enchanted I see,
her journey
on fairy wings, paper thin
the gilt, faded,
the reality
she alights
her life, rewritten,
the gift
she stills her wings with grace.
Winter has arrived in my garden. There is a carpet of sodden leaves under the mulberry tree that stir imperceptibly with each gust of winter fury. Rugged up, from indoors, I watched them struggle to move and wondered whether that happens to people too.
I was never someone who didn’t move. I have always been productive but there was a time of losses when my mind was too focused on lesser priorities, like career, which I erroneously thought was for the survival of my family, and me. On reflection, my mind stirred but did not move. I did not survive because of career. I survived because I found new meaning for my existence. Back then … I was meant to be, where I was meant to be. Today I am where I am meant to be. Each time I travel, I am where I am meant to be. Acceptance of this was key, and then the universe opened doors for me.
I move now. I see things I didn’t notice before. My hearing is acute for small sounds. I heard a bird call yesterday while working and went outdoors to investigate. I couldn’t see the bird but I heard it. I now live life with curiosity.
End of financial year is an incredibly stressful time. There is extra work on offer. Invoices have to be submitted by deadline and can only be done once the reports are in, so I’m tied to the computer for long periods of time. My home is in disarray. I have damp clothes drying indoors. I hate this! (But, I refuse to use a dryer). There’s dirty dishes in the sink. My bed is unmade. Where ever I look there is something to be done. I felt overwhelmed. With limited time before I drive out today, I took the best option available to me. I looked outside.
This morning, coffee in hand, I looked at the leaves around the crepe myrtle tree. It bloomed well this year, when I saw the last of the leaves.
I had to go out with camera. On the bleakest of days, the leaves are the colours of sunset.
On a tree full of flowers in spring, I did not notice the foliage. Today I saw they were the last of autumn, with winter following close behind, so I knew I would never see them again. Their time had come.
I had to share a moment with the leaves before the winds blew them away. They will be gone by the time I return home from my trip. When they do, it will be a reminder, all life is lived in seasons. Sometimes, overwhelmingly abundant. At other times, there is starkness. It is in that space of stillness, of inertia, where hope finds a home and leads to ‘movement’. Nature tells us, no matter how bleak a winter, spring, a time of renewal and abundance, will follow.
May you find that space of hope today. This is my gift to you.
Nature’s depression
that confusion and distortion descends by stealth at night sometimes, preceded by warning take heed, nothing will be familiar Be wary, The monochrome of grey Where all is same but isn’t Will become the norm Ignore at your peril which I did.
It took a brighter sun to break through It warmed the earth where I stood
in bare feet or in boots
as the fog lifted,
I closed my eyes so I could see
and found,
in those dark days of invisibility
the trees continued to breathe for me.
Grief torched my life in the years before I met you. You helped me refocus. You helped me find my voice, my creativity and a sense of purpose. Five years later, I lost it all in one fell scoop. The light you brought into my world was too bright. The memory of your vibrancy made me flinch for years. I averted my gaze whenever I drove alongside Back Beach. I buried myself whole into work. Last night I walked along where you once jogged. It was magnificent at sunset as it often is. As I walked I realised you were meant to come into my life for a reason. I am where I am, because of you. Today, this is my reality.
I looked for a relationship unsuccessfully with another academic in the years that followed. It was a natural thing to do, after all, I had been married to one and then met you. Life is either crazy or just plain contrary. What followed was so not what I thought it would be.
It was 17 years after your death when I found photography. It helped me see the world around me in new ways. What was familiar was unfamiliar, and then familiar again. I found shapes, patterns, colours and movements. A rhythm. I started to write again. I looked for clouds and rain, because, together, they meant rainbows and not a banal weather report that dictated my work schedule.
My work life is nothing you and I could ever have envisaged. I don’t present papers around the world like you did but I do spend more time at an airport. It has become an office. I find a quiet spot in the lounge and get work done. This is where life started to get strange.
Had it not been for my camera I would not have noticed the imperceptible glint in the gaze. The casual look that is exchanged between strangers, and maintained for a fraction longer. You did not know the logistically challenging rostered world of FIFO workers, if you did, you would have grinned and said, what followed was meant to be. The gaze turned into a conversation and my dormant heart found a beat again.
He is no academic. He barely finished high school and so proud of his TAFE achievement because he makes a good living from it. His nails are not manicured. His hands are rough and stained from hard work. He barely reads the news headlines, let alone a book. His views on politics are succinct, and expressed in the vernacular of the region, “Effing wankers, the lot of them!” End of story. There is no malice in his reference, “Miss Fancy Pants!” as he curls his finger around pearls. He is sensitive and sensual for a man who works with earth on his hands. Nor do I feel what I do is diminished by his inability to understand it when he says, “what is it that you actually do?”. What you see is what you get with him. He travels light. His values can be endearingly old fashioned, at times. We admit to nothing. The unsaid, saying it all. Things are just what they were, at first ignite. Alive. Unfinished. Unended. It makes pick up where we left off, easier. I like what this gives me. There are no tomorrows or happily ever afters. I searched for those for far too long. For me, they were an unfortunate myth. I live in the moment now. It’s a happy place to be.
He is no blinding light in my life, like you were. He lights up my world for a moment, much like seeing a shooting star, and when we leave, the eternal hope, it will happen again.
Where ever you are, here’s to another morning … shine bright. What was, and what is, is meant to be.
I’ll be celebrating a significant birthday this month. It seems to be giving me pause for many reasons. I would love to write about it but the words just don’t seem to reflect how I’m feeling. Maybe I’ll write about it at a later date. At times like this, I reach for the work of Anne Morrow Lindbergh. I found this poem that seems to articulate how I feel.
Bare Tree
Already I have shed the leaves of youth,
stripped by the wind of time down to the truth
of winter branches. Linear and alone
I stand, a lens for lives beyond my own,
a frame through which another’s fire may glow,
a harp on which another’s passion, blow.
The pattern of my boughs, an open chart
spread on the sky, to others may impart
its leafless mysteries that I once prized,
before bare roots and branches equalized,
tendrils that tap the rain or twigs the sun
are all the same, shadow and substance one.
Now that my vulnerable leaves are cast aside,
there’s nothing left to shield, nothing to hide.
Blow through me, Life, pared down at last to bone,
so fragile and so fearless have I grown!
Anne Morrow Lindbergh (www.poemhunter.com)
Yes, “so fragile and so fearless have I grown” is a double edged sword that is increasingly a burden too heavy, sums it up for me today.
I woke at 5 am
sat through a storm
watching lightening scrawl the walls
spotlighting dark recesses
the traffic of thoughts,
at times, gridlocked
was louder than the thunder
vibrating along solid foundation
I thought I saw rain, maybe felt it too
but I was still inside
contained,
within a safe cocoon
I watched it trickle down the window pane
once removed
the beat was a rhythm
not upbeat, not even vaguely familiar
and I knew
there was no dance left in me
the dawn, was stronger than the storm
it broke through the muscled clouds
from the silence
I heard the familiar winged flight of waterbirds,
smaller birds, too
Oriented to home
I walked in a garden, freshened by rain
saw a feather and from the quill,
a message for me
birds rest in the darkest hour of the night
and at first light, may shed what they don’t need
to make the launch lighter
but despite the discard,
their wings are still wings
so they fly the charted course
the last stretch
in a flock, a pair, or alone
as nature intended.
Your memory no longer lives within me
the air I breathe is no longer shared,
giving life to the walking dead with each breath
our journey ended, when mine began
Reborn, I woke one day
taking my first breath among trees
and holding me close to her bosom
Mother Nature smiled indulgently
The air I breathe now,
is sweeter than early morning
when I wake to birdsong, my silence
and find diamonds in the garden,
She comes to the door of the B&B, her smile is 100 watt dazzle. Slumped over the walking frame, she looks a couple of generations older, but I’m sure she’s not. Her home is period. She tells me it was cut and transported piece by piece from Kalgoorlie where it was a boarding house. It is endlessly large with high ceilings. She has beautiful taste. She bought the home for a pittance and renovated it faithful to the period. Everything in the home was bought for next to nothing. Huge jarrah posts discarded by a farmer for $8 a piece, she tells me, laughter making her eyes shine. We both know the posts would cost hundreds of dollars in the city. Stained glass windows discarded by someone else exchanged or bartered, one is always lucky to find them, we know this too. She has polished, painted and brushed it all back to life from another century. She has grand plans for so much more and not allowed pain or limited mobility to dampen her enthusiasm.
My bedroom is blue and white. The bed, one of the most comfortable I’ve had in a long time. I was too exhausted to eat, so I lay down in the white warmth and slept fitfully only to wake early evening to water running. I follow the sound outdoors.Her garden is a delight. I stop to take a picture here and there.The ornamental almond tree was frosted white.The ornamental peach tree bloomed elsewhere.There were bulbs bejewelled with bees.I found this in one corner, my camera sees what she hasn’t in a long time. “How on earth did that bloom there?”, she asks me, and we both laugh at her surprise. I loved the white flowers in another corner and asked her what they were. She tells me, they are English May, a cutting from her grandmother’s garden. It’s something she cherishes. Not hard to see why.She is seated on a plastic chair, crutches to the side, water hose in hand dousing dirt in front of her with about 15 silver eye keeping her company. They dig into the damp soil for tasty morsels. She giggles like a little girl at their antics.
I step away into the background, camera in hand and reflect.
I’m no gardener, but I’m forever thinking about my garden. I now live in a house where I have planned different types of gardens in small isolated pockets. My vision is yet to come to fruition, but thinking about this, is a happy place to be.
When I was married my husband and I were constantly at odds with how the garden should look. Forward thinking for the time, he was insistent on a garden with native trees and shrubs as they are plants that require little maintenance and water. I, on the other hand, wanted an English garden with lavender, roses, geraniums, hydrangeas, and cottage plants. He indulged my love for this to a point. When my marriage ended I had a hedge of 14 white iceberg roses that bloomed incessantly with thousands of flowers. Far from being a reminder of him, they served to remind me he had worked hard outdoors so I could enjoy the view. It was a memory worth keeping so I continued to keep it alive with more flowers. The only time I can remember gardening, is when I decided to turn the upper level into a white garden and that space had only white flowers of all kinds. I wish I had taken pictures. It was beautiful. I looked forward to my alone times in the white garden. I shed all my other roles when I was here except one, student. On reflection, it was a space where I gave my body breath each day and where I created a new life.
I moved from that space, in more ways than one and found a world of colour. I was fortunate to find this in a lifestyle that meets all my needs. Each day I work towards that life, one that strengthens the core of me. I make sure I stop each day for a few minutes. I now see colour and detail. Yellow everlasting flowers growing roadside in the Wheatbelt.or growing side by side with blue leschenaultia in dry, gravel soil.The beautiful velvety native purple flowers on grey foliage that look extremely ordinary from a distance. But close up? You be the judge.These interesting flowers are tiny and waxy. I’ve seen creamy lemon ones in the Goldfields. They glisten in the sun like dew. Up close, they are delicate and finely veined, like aged hands. I’ve seen hundreds and thousands of these, but this time, I saw one in bloom. Exquisite.Then there are the tiny everlastings that glow like embers, along the ground.The beautiful spears of grevillea that grow wild everywhere.Or these mops of orange.and blue.The delicate intricacy of the cone flower.And tiny, tiny, butter yellow blooms.I still find white flowers joyful.
You must be logged in to post a comment.