About kindness …

IRIS
Iris

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.  Aesop

My work schedule has been so disrupted in the last six weeks with other personal appointments.  When I did work, I threw myself into it to keep my mind busy.  I haven’t been taking care of my inner self and kept pushing harder.  It has come at a cost and I realised this today.  I have been short tempered and alternating between dismissive and demanding of my loved ones.  Not a good feeling!

I carried this knowledge with me all morning and my steps grew wearier by the moment.  I had to go to the shopping centre and quite spontaneously thought I’d buy some clothes while I was there.  I didn’t really need them.  Yes, the old retail therapy instant feel-good option.  But I do believe people’s paths cross for a reason and none more so than today.

When I paid at the counter, the lady asked me the usual question, “Are you with the X club”.  Another sales pitch coming on I thought with irritation, she looked up my name on the computer and then looked at me with surprise.  She asked me about my line of work.  I was guarded in my response.  Then she told me, I had done some work with her little boy and that she and her family remembered me over the years.  That was 13 years ago.  He’s a young adult now and studying towards a profession.  She told me she can still remember me because I worked with “kindness” and was “gentle” with him.  I was really touched by what she recalled and her memory was vivid.

Driving home I realised I was emotionally fatigued and what I was missing was compassion and kindness to self.  So I went out and bought some flowers.  Beautiful, vibrant, purple iris.  The flowers lifted my spirit and they are a luxury because I’m rarely home.  They will probably wilt before I return but it felt good to have them on the table.

I guess when there are no other options available to us, a little self-compassion and kindness goes a long way.  If it generates good memories for others, why can’t we remember to do this for ourselves?

Enjoy your weekend and may a random act of kindness come your way.  And, if it doesn’t you always have the option to be kind to yourself.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Options

Wildflowers in the Midwest

I flew into Geraldton (some 400+ km north of Perth) late evening the other week.  I got into the hire car and took the highway into town.  I drove mindlessly, like I was home and realised, it has become another home for me.

I love Geraldton for lots of reasons.  When I have time between work and flights, I spend my time in a small restaurant that overlooks the marina because the airport only opens when there is a flight.  The restaurant staff know me well now and take me to my favourite table without me requesting it.  They chat to me with familiarity that I enjoy.  I am no longer a stranger there.  I also love a couple of shops where I invariably end up buying clothes or accessories.  And, I love my walk through town and back again.  This is what Geraldton means to me.

This trip I had to drive about two hours east of Geraldton, through wildflower country.  It was magical.  Long solitary drives on back roads flanked by flowers.  It uplifted my spirit and I was in my zone!DSCN9683.jpg
The purple flannel flowers with their soft grey foliage were scattered about in the thousands.DSCN9636.jpg
There were carpets of tiny yellow paper everlastings.DSCN9720.jpg
There were a few of these bushes, a type of hakea, I think.DSCN9715
Oh! those glorious skies and towering flowering trees filled with birdsong.DSCN9725.jpg
These were low growing bushes, blooming, km after km.DSCN9750.jpg
And these beautiful flowers that looked ordinary from afar but each flower within the flower, was so perfect.DSCN9753.jpg
There were literally millions of everlastings as far as the eye could see.  I didn’t have my hiking boots and didn’t want to risk walking in the grass in an isolated place.  We are coming up to snake season!

It’s difficult to describe to others what is means to be ‘in the zone’.  I’m so lucky I get to experience it where ever I am in this large State.  I’ve got trips coming up to the north and then south west next month and looking forward to seeing more flowers on my travels.  I know the wild orchids are blooming in the south west Wheatbelt and no doubt in the Bunbury area too.  I can’t wait to find them!

I’ve been home all week mostly running around for medical appointments.  I’m headed out again over the weekend and although I’ve enjoyed my time at home with loved ones and family, it will be nice to be back doing what I love to do.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Zone

When love conquers all

My body is no longer a safe place
I wake at night, wondering, what else lurks
Hiding, taking hold, infiltrating slyly
So I build a wall, a fortress
I’m good at this, I tell myself
Defender, protector, survivor
This I can do effortlessly
But builders are not soldiers
Not brave, at least, not me
when the enemy is within
So you raise me up to tall
All five feet three, and say,
‘it’ doesn’t know what its up against
unlike you, I’m invincible
But we know in your arms, I am braver
You say softly, come, be braver again
this time, for me.

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Gesture

A glimpse of me, the bride …

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Dr T and I were living together before we decided to married.  Having lived overseas for several years I just assumed it would be a Western style wedding.  I bought dozens of bridal magazines and set about planning my dress.  Dr T did not comment on any of this.  One day curled up in a chair I absentmindedly asked him what kind of dress did he think I should get.  It was like he was waiting for that question.  His response was immediate.  A sari!  It was not what I expected from my Anglo Canadian partner.  I had worn a sari only once before.  It was on a special birthday and my mother was in Perth to help me wear the hot pink and turquoise silk sari.  I didn’t know it at the time, but he was completely smitten seeing me in one.  He was even more smitten that the sari could be unravelled in one swift movement.  I can be quite oblivious to the obvious sometimes!

Now I’m not sure if you know much about saris.  There are many, many styles worn in different parts of India.  In my part of world (central India), a sari is 6.5 yards long, worn with pleats in the front and a shawl like drape over the left shoulder.  A woman wears a skirt underneath into which the sari is tucked into.  She wears a blouse that reaches to about the last rib.  The belly area is exposed (abs in one’s youth was a bonus!).  In my mother’s day, underwear was optional!  The whole package was Dr T’s dream come true.

So sari it was.

We lived in the UK for several months before getting married as Dr T was on sabbatical there.  I stopped off in India, my only visit in decades as I wanted to buy a sari from my home town.  In those days shopping for saris was an experience like no other.  My  mother and entourage were ushered into an air conditioned room, the salesman was seated on a carpeted floor, a man on the mezzanine level threw down bolts of saris, the silks in the brightest of colours, flying through the air.  Indian brides (non-Christian brides) wear bright colours on their wedding day but Christian brides opt for cream with a coloured border.  Seated in the middle of a sea of rainbows, I could not make up my mind!  Everything I looked at was gorgeous and I bought half a dozen or so.  For my wedding, I ended up liking the border of one sari but the heavy cream silk of another was outrageously luxurious and I had to have that, too.  The salesman had known me when I was a child.  He was thrilled I had come from Australia and wanted to make the sale on the condition I sent him a picture of me in the sari, so he could put it in the shop window.  He offered to remove the border I liked and transfer it on the silk I loved.  I couldn’t have been a happier bride.  And … Dr T was an even happier groom.

On reflection it was ironic that I wore such an opulent outfit.  The wedding could not have been more low key.  We got married in the front yard under the gum tree on a Saturday.  The minister was from the Salvation Army and completing his Masters and known to Dr T from university.  We had 12 guests, including us, and enjoyed a BBQ after the brief ceremony.  We did have Handel’s music being played softly in the background that signalled celebration to anyone within ear shot.  We had an enormous wedding cake that Dr T and I demolished over the year.  As we exchanged our vows our neighbours came home from grocery shopping and as they unloaded their car, they tried desperately to keep their little children quiet and not disturb us.  We went back to work on Monday, without fan fare.

Our relationship lasted over 21 years.  I have known him for over 40, and most of those years have been amicable post divorce.  I am in a good place.  I know he is too.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Opulent

Not yet jaded …

In a world of information overload, it would be a challenge not to feel everything is ho hum.  But I realised some years ago, to find balance I need to be outdoors, away from books, away from work and just be.  Nothing else.  Just be.  The experience is like no other.  For me every minute outdoors feels like I’m an hour glass with sand trickling down in a steady stream.  When it pools, my head is clear.  My spirit is full.  I’m recharged and ready to go.

Even though I often visit the same towns several times in a year, and may photograph the same landscape, flora and fauna, there is always something new for me to see.  DSCN7297.jpg
Swamp hen, Bunbury wetlands, Western Australia
I have dozens of photographs of swamp hens.  I love their peacock colouring (but they do emit an awful strangled screech).  In some wetlands they can be shy and move out of sight quickly.  They have enormous feet and I was surprised to see this one eat with such delicacy.  Pretty clever!DSCN7408.jpg
Lake Lefroy, Kambalda West, Western Australia
Lake Lefroy is an ephemeral salt lake in Kambalda (Goldfields region of Western Australia).  I’ve been here a couple of times and the hues are different each time.  On the day I took this pic, the lake was like a painting.DSCN9579.jpg
New Holland Honeyeater, Bunbury wetlands, Western Australia
I love photographing New Holland honeyeaters.  They are striking looking birds.  I particularly love getting a picture of their tiny tongue that protrudes when feeding.DSCN9608.jpg
Silvereye, Bunbury wetlands, Western Australia
Needless to say, the tiny, tiny silvereye is a special joy.  They move in flocks but I’ve rarely found one seated side by side.  They are quick and drive me insane trying to get a good picture.  This one took me by surprise!DSCN9628.jpg
Bunbury, Western Australia
Along any coast in Western Australia you’ll see people dedicated to their hobby.  From afar, so am I.  Nothing new to see but if you photograph people fishing, you’ll find, each picture tells a different story.DSCN9730.jpg
Walk along any track in the bush or suburban garden, the Willy Wagtail is the first to greet.  I love this picture.  He looks all shiny and newly minted.  DSCN9783.jpg
Walking along the beach has its moments of calm.  Waves are soothing but every now and then, I catch a wave that is different.  It makes me stop, look and listen.  It makes everything old, new again.  That’s what life is all about.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Original

This jolly life …

One morning while walking on the beach in Exmouth I found the things that make me happy and I knew I will spend the rest of my life seeking them.

I realised …

Curiosity makes me happy.  As does a feeling of hope.  Finding a happy place within, unexpectedly, is a special feeling of joy.  Stillness makes me happy.  Silence makes me happy, so does solitude.  And, the oneness that comes from real connection, even if transient.  All these things are free and found within.  I spent too many years, window shopping.  Now I wander in and take whatever I please.DSCN7686.jpg
The variation in shades of blue makes my heart beat faster.  I had never stopped to observe this before.  I do now.DSCN7711.jpg
The crumbs of seashells underfoot that coat my bare feet make me smile.  This was just a sandy beach once.  Not any more.  I had no idea sand looks like this up close.DSCN7772.jpg
The humble feather that glitters in dawn light catches my eye.  It never did before.DSCN7808.jpg
My child like curiosity is piqued peering into these wonderfully perfect ‘windows’.DSCN7829.jpg
The scoop of sand left by tide.  A reminder always, life is finite.DSCN7852.jpg
I find life, in unexpected places.  From it, I learn poise.DSCN7940
I find love, too, in unexpected places.

Why wouldn’t I spend the rest of my life doing just what I am doing now?

Hope you are doing exactly what you were meant to do in life.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

 

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Jolly

Nightly

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Nightly

A teardrop falls silently
but lands in my heart with a thud
it wakes me from a deep slumber
where I dream happily
in the dark my hands search for you
but the space beside me is empty
there is no curled up warmth
your rhythmic breathing is silenced, by absence
and in that void, my sobs, too loud
As sunlight infuses the darkness
I see the teardrop again
this time, in my garden
it clings, never giving up
the winter rain leaves it untouched
the winds, only make it dance
the teardrop sparkles before me
a diamond, a jewel, a drop of rain
all precious
it gives me what I need
the hope,
I’ll sleep with love again.

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge: Nightly

Second time around …

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At the core
we are we
bones of past,
sculpted on ours, undeniably
moved, and converted
by choice and circumstance
in synchrony, and by it
we offer and accept
with the bravery of the innocent
much like before, nothing else
just the moment in our hearts,
that lifetime
when,
we say yes, again.

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Saturday : Propose

Turquoise Bay, Western Australia

I’m home and taking a couple of hours off before I leave again.  I seem to have missed some lovely prompt words while I was away.  I hope it’s okay to make belated contributions to prompts!

I love visiting Exmouth, some 1200 km north of Perth.  I feel relaxed when I’m there, even when I visit for work so I always promise myself I’ll return for a holiday (vacation).  But whenever I have visited Exmouth, something seems to go wrong before my visit, frequently enough for me to think I’m jinxed!

This time I dared not say where I was going, I just wanted to be there.  Despite my silence, the run up to the trip was fraught with managing someone’s crisis, big enough for me to escalate it to another two levels.  I should have been relaxed it was now being managed by someone else, but no, the aftermath was just as stressful.  I sat at the airport with a coffee, unable to write, observe those around me with interest, or even drink my coffee.  I sat with head in hands, feeling utterly spent.  I knew where I had been in the last few hours and I dared not anticipate where I was going.

I got to Exmouth and the check in was a nightmare with Receptionist making mistake after mistake in her paperwork.  Half an hour later, I dumped my bags and knew I had to get to Turquoise Bay and leave it all behind.DSCN7694.jpgTurquoise Bay is one of the three most beautiful bays in Australia.  Who can argue with the rating?  Within seconds, the world fell away and I was in the moment.DSCN7708.jpg
The Bay itself is serene and great for snorkeling but in the distance, huge waves crashed loud enough for beach goers to look over their shoulders.  The waves never seemed to reach the beach.  It summed up everything I had been through in the preceding three days.DSCN7706.jpg
At my feet I focused on tiny things like this crab.  It flew past my feet like a fleeting thought that made me second guess what I had seen.  It burrowed itself with incredible speed and I could only see it with the zoom.DSCN7733.jpg
In the scrub along the beach were tiny flowers, a burst of colour competing with this magnificent place.DSCN7721.jpg
And, tiny sprigs here and there that were exquisite in size and beauty.DSCN7724.jpg
As I drove out of the car park I noticed someone had left a shell.  A little momento, for others to know they were there.DSCN7730.jpgI drove through the national park when I saw the last rays of light captured in a small tree.  At 80 km/hour, I saw it!  I pulled up with camera in hand.  The detail in the leaves was beautiful.  A few minutes later a Kombi van pulled up behind me.  Two young European backpackers greeted me.  They said they noticed the way I was standing and knew I had seen something worth seeing.  They were right.

I’ve returned with hundreds of photographs.  This was the end of the first six months of the year.  This morning I feel blessed and happy.  This was a break I so badly needed.  I am grateful for having a receptive spirit that is able to take these moments in instantly.  The joy of the moment has taken years of practice, but I got there in the end.  It has been worth every step of the journey.

As always

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge – Friday: Vacation

It comes from within …

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Despite the frenetic lifestyle, I enjoy moments of peace on a daily basis.  I build these into my day, moments that nurture my spirit and soul.  Being of faith, my instinct is to set aside time to spend in prayer, a communion, a connection, to my Maker.  I don’t ask for anything or express thanks.  I am quiet with a heightened awareness, I am not alone.  It is time when I need to listen, so silence is important.

I listen with attentiveness with all my senses on alert.  It may be to the sound of waves crashing, the crunch of my boots on twigs, the click of my camera, the bounce of the kangaroo in the bush.  I no longer yearn for experiences out of reach.  With camera in hand and laptop before me, I am me no matter where I am.  The authentic me.  In that knowledge, is peace.

I learned years ago there are some experiences I will never experience.  And, I felt the bite of unfairness on more than one occasion.  It took years for me to realise.  Peace comes from within.  If we seek to make peace, we are at peace.  It is a place of rest and recovery.  It is a space where all else falls away, and within that nothingness, is a fullness of spirit that takes up all the space.

So I accept, some things are never meant to be for me.  I may not have found that elusive ‘something special’ that others acquire so effortlessly.  But I have the capacity to experience joy.  And, I make it my mission to seek it every day.

I’m leaving next week headed to the north.  I’m looking forward to wearing less clothes and walking along the beach.  Maybe find a heart again.  Or maybe even someone who wants mine.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge : Nurture

In response to RDP – Saturday: Peace

Courage, in an uneven footing …

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Silvereye, Foxes Lair, Narrogin, Western Australia

It’s just after 6 am as I write.  It is freezing cold in my clean but old motel room.  The ceiling is high, the air con heater sluggish, it will be hours before the room warms.  I’ll be gone by then.

Yesterday I finished work on time, drove into town, just a minute away, grabbed a cup of coffee and headed out to Foxes Lair.  I barely had 20 minutes among the trees before it got too dark to be there on my own.  It was all I needed.  I was renewed.  I am myself again.

I’ll drive home this morning listening to my favourite playlist.  If the roadworks are more accessible by day, I may stop off at The Woolshed in the tiny farming town of Williams and see if they have a jumper or two that I may like.  The quality of their merino wool garments is beautiful, light and warm.  I have an afternoon at home to tidy up some work before I drive to the north east Wheatbelt tomorrow, around 300 km away, where I’ll spend the next few days.  And then … a much needed break, in a warmer place.  The thought, quickens my heart beat.

I’ve been able to survive the rigors of the last few weeks convinced in the knowledge, all days are not equal.  Some days the load is lighter, and others, crushing.  Yes, my shoulders sag at times but thankfully I’ve discovered ways and means to rejuvenate.  A grove of trees, a strip of beach, even an empty paddock roadside, is all I need, to feel energised again.  I reflected on this early morning and found, I don’t resent the load, but I do feel lost when I don’t have the opportunity during a work trip, to be in nature.  I have professional supervision once a month but I feel my spirit needs ‘guidance’, ‘supervision’, every single day.  Without it, I careen under the weight of lifestyle.

It has taken a long time to realise, it is okay for demands of the day to be uneven.  It takes courage, to find core strength.  One just needs to ride it out.  I’d much rather have this, than a predictable lifestyle.  When I think back to the years when Monday to Friday, 9-5, was my compass, was the way to the bank, I’m surprised that I survived.  I guess, one never knows what one is missing out on, unless one has the courage to try it.

I woke up grateful this morning, I had the courage to be curious about what was around the corner, much like the tiny silvereye.  It would have been a life un-lived, if I hadn’t.

May you find and enjoy your moment of gratitude, curiosity and courage, today.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge :  Equal

Friends, like this …

DSCN7498.JPGPink Lake, Esperance, Western Australia

I was hotel bound for two days straight.  It was dark in the morning and dark when I returned after work with no time to go out with camera.  I was feeling tired and trapped, until today.

The flu season is in.  With cancelled appointments I finished on time today, did a quick trip to my hotel for the camera and headed to Pink Lake.  The lake is no longer pink but the grey of sunset was calming.  I needed this today for clarity about where I am and where I want to be.

I stood at the lookout and thought of my dear friend, LR.  An American author and activist who I loved dearly so many years ago.  I’m not sure if I’ve written about him previously but feel the need to have his presence with me right now, so I’ll write about him again.

I was an undergraduate, working through an essay late one night while my children slept.  My paperwork strewn around me as I lay on the carpet.  I came across an article and was captivated by the power of words.  I flipped back to the front page to look for his university address when I realised it was a home address.  I read and re-read the article several times and just knew I had to talk to him.  At 4 am Perth time I dialled international directory and they gave me his number.  I dialled it not knowing what time it was on the West Coast of USA.  The phone did not ring.  At all.  He said hello.  And I went silent.  I then stammered who I was and why I was calling him.  He was patient with me and let me talk.  In that hour we became friends, and remained so, until he passed away a few years ago.

My friend LR taught me about inclusivity.  About passion.  About acceptance.  About outrage.  About having a voice and how to use it.  About silence.  About nature.  About the “treasures” one finds in the depths of depression.  He introduced me to the works of Joseph Campbell, Elie Wiesel, Viktor Frankl, among many others.  And, he taught me how to feel ‘safe’ in a relationship.

In all those years of friendship we talked every week but I met him just once.  He was tall and had a flowing white beard.  (I’ve just realised, all the men in my life have had beards!).  To be in his presence was to be lit up from the inside.

I was at a conference in Washington DC and was invited to a party by a delegate.  I sat on a footstool at LR’s feet and we were talking.  When he stopped to take a breath I told him, he was the only man on earth who made me wish I was 30 years older.  Why? he asked me surprised.  I told him with absolute honesty, “because I would ask you to marry me”.  A confirmed  bachelor, his life committed to activism and community, it was the first proposal he had received as far back as he could remember.  We laughed at the reality of our circumstances.  His kind blue eyes sparkled at my candour.

I loved him dearly.  I always felt safe with him.  He encouraged me to use the opportunities I had been given to make a difference.  I am where I am today, because of his encouragement.

We all need friends like LR.  They may not be around us in their hordes.  We just need one, much like a stone cast to the middle of a pond, when they touch our life, the ripples are far reaching.

Until next time

a dawn bird

In response to Word of the Day Challenge : Safe

What the eyes see, the heart hears …

Winter has arrived in my garden.  There is a carpet of sodden leaves under the mulberry tree that stir imperceptibly with each gust of winter fury.  Rugged up, from indoors, I watched them struggle to move and wondered whether that happens to people too.

I was never someone who didn’t move.  I have always been productive but there was a time of losses when my mind was too focused on lesser priorities, like career, which I erroneously thought was for the survival of my family, and me.  On reflection, my mind stirred but did not move.  I did not survive because of career.  I survived because I found new meaning for my existence.  Back then … I was meant to be, where I was meant to be.  Today I am where I am meant to be.  Each time I travel, I am where I am meant to be.  Acceptance of this was key, and then the universe opened doors for me.

I move now.  I see things I didn’t notice before.  My hearing is acute for small sounds.  I heard a bird call yesterday while working and went outdoors to investigate.  I couldn’t see the bird but I heard it.  I now live life with curiosity.

End of financial year is an incredibly stressful time.  There is extra work on offer.  Invoices have to be submitted by deadline and can only be done once the reports are in, so I’m tied to the computer for long periods of time.  My home is in disarray.  I have damp clothes drying indoors.  I hate this!  (But, I refuse to use a dryer).  There’s dirty dishes in the sink.  My bed is unmade.  Where ever I look there is something to be done.  I felt overwhelmed.  With limited time before I drive out today, I took the best option available to me.  I looked outside.DSCN7494.jpg
This morning, coffee in hand, I looked at the leaves around the crepe myrtle tree.  It bloomed well this year, when I saw the last of the leaves.DSCN7491.jpg
I had to go out with camera. On the bleakest of days, the leaves are the colours of sunset.

On a tree full of flowers in spring, I did not notice the foliage.  Today I saw they were the last of autumn, with winter following close behind, so I knew I would never see them again. Their time had come.

I had to share a moment with the leaves before the winds blew them away.  They will be gone by the time I return home from my trip.  When they do, it will be a reminder, all life is lived in seasons. Sometimes, overwhelmingly abundant.  At other times, there is starkness.  It is in that space of stillness, of inertia, where hope finds a home and leads to ‘movement’.  Nature tells us, no matter how bleak a winter, spring, a time of renewal and abundance, will follow.

May you find that space of hope today.  This is my gift to you.

Until next time

As always

a dawn bird